You Are Your Job

Today is my last day of being a professional bum.  Tomorrow, I will again be part of the corporate world, toiling for eight hours five days a week.  I am saying goodbye to a life of sweet abandon.  Where everyday is a mystery waiting to unfold.  Am I excited to leave the life of being your own boss?  Hell yeah!

One of the things that quitting my job would give me was a stress and worry free life.  Little did I expect that the opposite would come spanking butt relentlessly.  I was never good with handling uncertainty and I should have known better to not walk straight into it.  I found myself in a very dark place.  I felt so inadequate and the high regard that I once had about myself all vanished.

Insomnia was in overdrive.  I would never complete an eight hour sleep cycle.  Sometimes, I would sleep for about an hour and and would find it impossible to go back.  It felt like, since I don’t have a job, I’m practically a wasted resource, I am not entitled to have the luxury of normal productive people, sleep.  Same goes for food.  I started eating less feeling that I don’t deserve to eat.  If there is anything that I should be thankful for having gone through this phase, that would certainly be shedding off some pounds.

A good friend of mine would constantly rant about his ordeals in his job and how much he wants to call it quits.  The old me would definitely tell him to go for it.  His sanity is more important than his job.  The fact that you are feeling unsure about your career choice and that you are contemplating quitting it is enough reason to do so.  But after going through all three months of anxiety due to the same decision, I would tell him, “Sorry but guess what, you just have to suck it all in!”

Perhaps if you have millions in your bank account or if you wouldn’t have to worry about how far your meagre  savings will get you, then by all means do as you please.  Sometimes, people dont realise it but their job is all they are.  When they lose it, they also lose their sense of importance and the whole world would just follow through.  So I kept on telling him not to follow my footsteps.  It may look like I’m having a grand time but that is only what I wanted people to see.

So yes, I’m really excited to be back.  And I can’t wait until my sleeping and eating patterns get back to normal.

Photo by Herschell Hershey

Photo by Herschell Hershey

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One thought on “You Are Your Job

  1. I’ve become a bum for about 6 months so I can understand what you mean. That uncertainty where to get the payment for next month’s bill! And they sure know where to find me! That sucks! But, hey, I feel that that moment was exactly what I needed to stop running away from my other problems and appreciate what I have.

    That’s why I’m worried you’ve started eating less. Losing excess pounds is ok as long as you’re not skipping meals or it’s not a by-product of depression. Sleep deprivation typically boosts my appetite pa naman. I hope you’re ok. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here.

    *hugs*

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