If tomorrow indeed is the end of the world, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to do a recount of the year that was this early.
Last year, I told myself that 2012 will be my year. But I never really bothered to explain in detail why it was going to be my year. 20011 was just a fairly flat year. Everything was just steady, it had some moments toward the end of the year but for the rest of it, its just ok. Probably, the single, biggest, most life changing thing that I made was to move out of my mom’s house and finally live a life of independence. So by the turn of the year, I promised myself that 2012 would be bigger and bolder.
Money was never a problem when the year started and past the middle part of it. It even came to a point where I realised that my financial goals are almost within reach. For the first time in several years I reached an all time high with my financial independence. Unfortunately, my financial maturity failed to catch up as I did not know what to do with the money that I had. Left and right, I was doing unnecessary purchases. I failed to keep track of where my money went. All I cared about was how to relish the fine things that I am able to afford.
While my wallet was in good shape, other things went array.
I have never seen myself this fat in ages. Due to my apparent laziness to do physical activities (shopping not included), the pounds slowly filled me in the most unflattering of places. I had to buy clothes that would fit my new body. I was filling my closet at the same rate I was filling my pantry. With the additional weight I was putting in, it became harder forme to do simple tasks. Stairs became my worst enemy. The distance that I used to cover when walking was reduced to half. Last year, I used to run marathons. But this year, a few minutes of walking put a huge strain on my feet and it fells like I’m gonna die. I maybe exaggerating, but you get the picture right?
My new body ultimately affected myself esteem. No matter how expensive my new clothes are, I just cant seem to work magic. I started to feel so ugly and so unworthy of other people’s time, attention and affection. This year I screwed up several prospects for romance just because I felt that I had nothing to offer. I tried to convince myself that the reason why I’m still single is because I was waiting for the right one to come. But the truth of the matter is, I feel so undeserving of someone’s love.
This year was also a year of bold decisions.
When I left my mom’s house, I felt like I was already living the life that I’ve always wanted. A life without restraint and sweet abandon. Now, no one would care if I sleep late, go out late or eat late. But it’s hard to live with other people. That is one of the biggest lesson I had to learn this year. I certainly miss my old room and all the comfort that comes with living with your mom. But I guess everything’s worth it.
I also made bold career decisions this year. Decisions that I would later regret. These decisions brought me to my lowest of lows and became the source of my anxiety and depression these past few months.
Looking back, I guess my prediction came true. This year was indeed a big and bold year for me. It was my year for both good and bad reasons. It was a roller coaster ride with its amazing peaks and tummy turning, intestine tangling lows. But at the end of it all, were experiences that would hopefully help me live a better new year.
As they say, when you are down, the only way to go is up. 2013 will be a phoenix year for me. I will rise abou the ashes strong, fierce and beautiful.